Needle through my heart
by Rushi no Ryuu
Summary: Izaya behaves strange, it bothers Shizuo and he decides to find out why. Shizaya. Contains drug abuse, yaoi and blood. Rated M for a reason. I don't own Durarara!, the characters or the cover image. Reviews are welcomed.
1. Chapter 1

-Needle through my heart-

a Shizaya fanfic

Shizuo Heiwajima was walking through the empty streets of Ikebukuro, hands in the pockets of his trousers and gaze forward, as he sensed something.

Izaya Orihara was nearby. In the years he had spent chasing him, he'd learned to feel when the raven-haired was around him.

And that was the case just now.

He turned his head, looking from side to side, half hoping that he would spot his enemy.

His footsteps could be heard on the asphalt and he prayed that Izaya wouldn't hear him, he liked to surprise him with his attacks although he was rarely successful with that.

He was lucky; Izaya's coat could be seen for a slight second when he jumped out of a yard into another.

"IZAYAAA..." The blonde spun around and ran after the other one, picking up a sign on the way, ready to throw it like he always did. The raven looked behind him, running away while pulling his blade out of god-knows-where, like he always did.

It was their own little routine and they both secretly kind of enjoyed it. Izaya loved how he could always get away, Shizuo loved how he could let all warnings behind him and make use of his strength.

The moment he threw the sign at him – which happened to be a "Stop" - Izaya disappeared behind a little wall, the sign crashed against it and made said wall crumble to pieces.

Shizuo was kind of satisfied with his work despite the fact he hadn't hit his enemy.

Stones lay all over the ground as he stepped nearer to the place where he had seen Izaya last.

There was still dust in the air as he approached the remains of the wall which clouded his sight, but even like that, he could clearly see that Izaya was long gone.

He cursed silently to himself; he let the raven-haired escape once again.

Not bothering to look around more, he turned around and wanted to walk away from the little scene he had made, not noticing that his enemy was suddenly right behind him, pressing a cold blade to his throat.

His eyes widened slightly; even Heiwajima Shizuo couldn't survive a slit-through throat.

"Hmm~ Shizu-chan, what will we do now...?"

This voice, dripping with mockery, could only belong to _him_. He wasn't there anymore! That couldn't be! Shizuo's heartbeat fastened when he heard footsteps behind him.

He tried to spin around, but the moment he attempted to move his head, the knife pressed into his throat, leaving a thin bloody line behind. He decided it wouldn't be wise to turn his head further.

Suddenly, he heard that voice right behind his ear: "Shizu-chan... I got you... finally you're mine~"

Okay, that was new. Izaya had never said anything like that. But then again, this was the first time Izaya had actually managed to capture Shizuo.

Second, the flea sounded slightly off. Somehow... not exactly tired, but he was panting, not in pain, but he sounded like there was... _something. _

But right now was the wrong time to think about that. The flea had him, for real.

"You fucking flea, let me go already." "Why should I~?" "You have no reason to keep me either."

Izaya seemed to think about that a little while, before he released his knife from the blonde's throat.

"I'll let you go for this time. But don't you dare to think I'm soft! That is, if you _can_ think that far~"

He was almost gone, his chuckle still ringing in the blonde's ear. But his instincts were kicking in and he took two quick steps before he was at the raven's side, ramming his elbow into the his enemy's ribcage. Said one choked and held his chest while pain flickered over his eyes.

Shizuo walked away, quite happy with the day.

-time skip, Shizuo-

Shizuo lay in his bed, thinking about the afternoon.

This day had been a premiere, not only had he managed to actually hurt Izaya, the flea had captured him before. Did that mean he had gotten careless? Weak? Or was the flea stronger?

He had no idea.

Also, why had his enemy sounded so off-tuned...? If it wasn't Izaya, Shizuo would've said he was frightened because he had the feeling Izaya was shivering behind him. The flea's hand against his throat had felt cold and maybe even damp and it was clearly shaking.

What was also bothering him, was that he felt slightly uncomfortable while saying that he had _hurt_ the flea.

Every time that thought crossed his mind, he flinched a little bit. What was going on? He wasn't supposed to think that. But well, who cares?

Exactly, no one.

With this thought, he drifted asleep.

-Izaya-

That bastard had really gotten him. He held his side, careful not to move too much or his injury – which probably consisted of one to three damaged ribs and some severe bruises – would only get worse. He had to go to Shinra, although he knew that the underground doctor would only shake his head and tell him not to fight anymore.

Limping and walking really slow, he made his way to the doctor's lab, knocking weakly on the door. It was almost pushed into his face, revealing a worried Shinra.

Izaya grinned slightly and walked in without even waiting for the other to say something.

"Izaya! What happened to you? Were you hit by a car? Was it Shizuo? I thought I told you to-"

"Shut it right there, Shinra. I just need a bandage or something, would that be possible?"

"Of course, but you really have to stop this fighting with Shizuo, it will be your end and-"

he stopped when he saw that Izaya wasn't listening anymore.

After looking at the would critically for quite a while, putting his thumbs here and there, always receiving a slight hiss from Izaya and pulling various bottles and bandages out of cupboards, he finally started to treat his waist.

"So, Izaya, one rib is seriously damaged, it's not broken yet but only a false movement away from breaking. Be _careful._ And with careful, I mean no chasing, no running, no jumping over whatever, not getting involved in any fights and no acrobatics. Also, I would recommend you to simply move as little as possible and – this is important – don't stand up quickly. Especially when you were laying before. It could cause bending movements which may break your rib. And as a last advice, stop that damn fighting with Shizuo. It's not good for both of you!"

Izaya sighed and left the lab, with some painkillers and substitute bandages.

He as well as Shizuo knew he couldn't just stop that fighting and chasing. It wasn't nearly as easy as Shinra made it sound.

This fighting was his and Shizuo's drug.

Speaking of drugs.

He locked his apartment open, letting himself fall on the couch and taking off his coat and shirt. His left arm was red and full of little marks at the crook, the remains of too many needles piercing his veins.

The remains of his suffering.

Carefully, he took a new needle out of his cupboard, slowly unwrapped it and put it in the syringe, filled it with the liquid he needed so desperately.

He put it to his arm and while he breathed out deeply, he felt the needle pressed to his skin and going further.

A sigh of relief escaped his mouth as the drug rushed through his veins, cheering up his mind and warming his body.

He felt his limbs going weak and leaned against the couch, wanting to sleep but unable to because of the stimulants flowing through his body.

He needed it and he hated it. But the need was stronger.

After a few hours, the drug's effects started to weaken and he could move properly again. His mouth was dry, but the water he drank tasted like crap to his drugged nerves and he spit it in the sink.

He wasn't as addicted as some other ones. He didn't need shots every day and he could function properly again after some hours.

But his mind still screamed for the needle once or twice a week.

Just now, he had been very close to turkey* - very dangerous when fighting with somebody like Shizuo. He had to be more careful, but that didn't mean he would stop.

He threw the painkillers in the trash can. He was sane enough to know that any kind of medicine would only mess with the heroine in his blood and maybe kill him, and that wasn't a very pleasant thought.

After the drug's effects had were weak enough to think clear again, he fell asleep right away. No need to eat, no need to drink, no need to undress properly, no need to think. Just wait until your body wants the next shot.

Just wait until your body takes the next step to being destroyed.

Izaya didn't even realize he was crying as his eyes closed and he drifted off to a restless sleep filled with nightmares.

**Thank you so much for reading! Constructive criticism & reviews in general are always welcome, please tell me if I made any mistakes, because English isn't my native language.**

***turkey: A slang word from the drug scene, it describes a cold, goosebump-like feeling that occurs while heroine withdrawal.**


	2. Chapter 2

-Needle through my heart-

a Shizaya fanfic

It had been two weeks since the "incident" with the informant and Shizuo was getting nervous.

He hadn't seen the flea a single time nor had he heard someone had spotted him around.

This was starting to get weird.

After an hour of thinking and making up ideas just to throw them out of the window again, he decided to pay his enemy a visit.

Well, he'd have to find out where he lives first. But Shinra would know.

Heading over to the underground lab, he used the time to think about it all again.

First, why hadn't he seen the flea around?

Second, why did he act so strange the day he beat him up?

Third, why the fuck did it even bother him?!

The blonde knocked as gently as he possibly could and as the door opened with a creak, Shizuo found himself facing Shinra, the doctor who would hopefully explain this all to him.

He sat down on a couch and after he had convinced Shinra that he was alright, neither sick nor hurt and he could _not_ perform any kind of surgeries on him, he began talking.

"So, I haven't met the Iza... I mean, the flea for something like two weeks and also he acted strange... Do you know something, Shinra?"

"I have no idea where he currently is. He just came at the lab to get the bruised ribs fixed... but I could give you his address, if that is what you wanted."

Shizuo, kind of amazed that the doctor had managed to read his mind, thankfully accepted the little card with the address written on it.

It was about ten minutes away from the lab, easy to reach by foot.

Shizuo made up the conversation in his mind – probably Izaya would just tell him that he was fine, he couldn't wait to be chased around the next time, that he'd been busy and top everything with teasing Shizuo about being worried about his enemy.

That is, if he was at his house.

The blonde wished him to. Desperately. Wait, what? Since when had he been so … possessive over the raven-haired?

God, they were supposed to hate and chase each other around Ikebukuro.

Deep in thought, Shizuo almost walked past the building. Ringing at the doorbell that read "Orihara", he swallowed and waited for the door handle to buzz so he could step in.

It never happened.

The blonde decided to break – very carefully to not make any noises – the door lock so he could just step in.

The corridor smelled like a typical house corridor.

According to the mailboxes, the flea's apartment was the highest.

He practically ran up the stairs, somewhat desperate to see his enemy.

Arriving at the final door, he just knocked it down, too.

Taking a deep breath, he stepped into Izaya's apartment.

-Izaya-

The raven-haired cracked his eyes open when he heard a crushing noise.

Lazily, he rolled down the couch, his eyes spotting a bartender's uniform and blonde hair.

Shit.

_Just play it off cool... nothing's happened. Absolutely nothing. You had lots of work and were tired. _

But he wasn't sure if Shizuo would buy his lies... Anyway. He couldn't say he was on drugs, right?

"Hey, Shizu-chan...", his eyes traced over his room, "You broke my door."

"Obviously, flea. For a reason."

"Hmm~ what would that reason be?" His tone sounded already cocky and playful. Perfect. He was getting back into his usual personality.

"I wanted to see if you're dead yet. You didn't show up for two damn weeks!"

_Oh, so he noticed. _

"Yeah, I've been busy. You know, Shizu-chan, I have a job. A job requires time."

"I know that, you fucking flea. But you've never been gone for so long."

The raven-haired didn't quite know how to respond. Shizuo was right, he had always found the time for a little chase involving him, his enemy, yelling and eventual vending machines.

"I just had a large job to do." _Ugh. He wouldn't buy that for sure..._

"Hmph... if you say so... but still, I have another thing to ask you. When you attacked me" - Izaya saw the blonde twitch slightly - "You were kind of... shivering... it's probably nothing, but are you alright?"

_Heh, I wouldn't have thought his senses are actually that sharp. Think of an excuse. _

"I was a little sick that day. It seems like I've gotten a minor cold somewhere."

His enemy looked to the ground, he seemed to buy that lie. Thank God, he wouldn't need to explain more.

Just as this relieving thought crossed his mind, Izaya felt his body shaking and shivering, his vision blurred and he reached for the table to keep himself from falling.

The ex-bartender in the door raised an eyebrow at the sight of his enemy almost collapsing.

"You sure you're alright?"

"Hah... yeah... I just have to … go to the toilet."

_Congratulations. That was the most obvious lie in years. _

But he didn't have quite the time to think about that as he spun around, shaking and struggling to keep his body from crashing against something.

He made it just in time to the bathroom before he let himself fall to the ground and his stomach emptied in the toilet bowl.

"Oi! Flea!" Of course, Shizuo had followed him. He stopped in the door frame to stare with wide eyes at the pathetic sight in front of him.

Izaya barely noticed as his enemy rolled up his sleeves, sat next to him and rubbed circles on his back. When the informant stopped vomiting his guts out, he filled up a glass of water and tried to give it to the other, but the flea's hands were too shaking and weak.

Shizuo ended up pouring the water in his enemy's mouth, watching him spit out the liquid together with the leftovers of the vomit in his mouth and then carefully washing his face and hands with a wet towel.

As he could speak again, Izaya turned his head at the blonde who saw weak eyes, messy hair and reddish skin. He looked horrible.

"Flea, what was that just now?! I thought you were alright!" His voice was loud and sharp, but Izaya's spinning mind could hear slight worry behind the incredible volume.

"I... don't know... must have eaten something wrong or so..."

"Excuse me, but I don't quite believe you. Tell me, what is _wrong_ with you?"

-Shizuo-

Instead of answering, Izaya crawled weakly towards the blonde. But that was too much for his body and he almost collapsed on the floor, only caught by strong hands that prevented his head from crashing to the tiles.

Izaya wasn't quite conscious anymore as Shizuo picked him up and carefully placed the informant on the couch in the living room, putting a bucket next to him just in case the raven-haired would feel the need to repeat his actions.

His white bartender shirt was smelling sour and his jacket was stained with water and vomit. With a disgusted frown, he took off said clothes and let himself fall on the couch next to his enemy.

That is, if the weak raven-haired was still his enemy.

He would've preferred if he wasn't.

Just what was going on here?

He had never seen the flea so weak... As he had seen him in the bathroom, he'd felt the sudden need to _help _the informant.

To be there for him. To comfort him. To... _Okay, stop right there._

As his gaze fell to his dirty clothes on the ground, he noticed that the flea's shirt was also partly covered in vomit. He tried to wash it off, but realized he would have to get rid of the flea's shirt, too.

He pulled the black shirt carefully over the informant's head, aware that a false movement could wake him.

After he had successfully "undressed" - he felt his ears grow hot as his mind suggested this phrase – the raven-haired, he put a blanket over him.

But despite the warm cloth covering the fragile body, he felt the flea growing colder and colder. He wasn't shivering, he was just getting _cold. _

Although Shizuo was very worried about the flea, he decided that is was probably just some kind of after-effect of the vomiting. Maybe the flea was really sick.

Shizuo was tired, too, so he just took the other part of the couch, snuggled himself up in a blanket and watched the flea as he fell asleep slowly.

-time skip, still Shizuo-

Two hours or so passed since the two fell asleep. Shizuo slowly opened his eyes to see the flea still sleeping peacefully.

The raven-haired had warmed up a bit, he took that as a positive sign.

He seemed to be okay.

Shizuo felt a wave of relief rush through him.

He carefully got up, but not carefully enough. The flea woke up from the creaking sound of the leather couch and cracked his eyes open.

-Izaya-

_Shit. _

The first thing he noticed was the cracking sound of his couch. He opened his eyes and saw Shizuo, looking at him.

Countless thoughts attacked his brain.

Had he noticed anything?

Had he called anybody? Shinra?

Did he collapse? How had he gotten here?

Where was his shirt? Why was the blonde shirtless?

_Oh my god, what have I done?_

Shizuo, who seemed to notice his little panic attack, grinned at him, but it wasn't a real grin. It was a grin to cover a very worried expression.

"Don't worry. You're alright."

_That's a relief. _

His mouth was dry and tasted like shit. Right, he had puked. In front of Shizuo. Just to be calmed down by Shizuo. To be comforted by Shizuo. What a nice day.

"Shi-Shizu-chan?"

"Hmm?"

"Could you get me some water...? My mouth tastes like... well."

"Sure, where do you keep your glasses?"

Izaya pointed weakly to the cupboard above the sink.

He watched as Shizuo opened it, he watched as Shizuo froze in front of said cupboard.

_Wait. There's something wrong. _

Shizuo reached into the cupboard. But instead of the glass he wanted to take out, he held a set of wrapped needles, syringes and a small bottle of...

_Oh, FUCK. _

Shizuo slowly turned his head, a horrified expression on his face.

"Flea! What the hell is this?!"

Izaya whimpered at the loud voice.

The next question wasn't as loud as the first, but still full of anger and worry.

"Izaya." - the informant cringed when he heard his real name coming from the blonde's mouth - "What the heck is this. Answer me. Now!"

The raven-haired didn't answer. Instead, he started to cry in a pillow.

"O-oi... flea... sorry..." Shizuo's voice vanished as the informant broke down under desperate sobs and eventual cries, tears streaming down his face.

He didn't want to cry, not in front of Shizuo. He had to look so horrible... yet, he couldn't stop the salty evidence of his suffering from flowing out of his eyes.

The blonde went down on his knees in front of the sobbing man on the couch and slowly spoke.

"Hey... it's gonna be alright... sorry for yelling at you..." But Izaya didn't listen.

Nothing was alright. His life was completely fucked up and his only distraction had just found out.

At that thought, his mind let out a sad little whimper that made him shake.

_He has found out. He'll kill me right here, when I'm weak and-_

His eyes widened as he felt strong arms hesitantly wrap around his shaking form, just to spill salty tears seconds later.

Did Shizuo try to _comfort _him? No, that couldn't be.

But as the blonde's hands rubbed circles on his back and caressed his hair, held his waist and wrapped around his shoulders, were everywhere at once, surrounding him with a wonderful warm sensation he hadn't felt in years, he made a decision.

He decided that this was okay. He needed this right now.

His weak arms clinging to Shizuo's strong shoulders, he pulled his shivering body up a little, feeling the heat radiating from the blonde's arms over his back, at his neck, everywhere.

He nuzzled in the crook of his enemy's neck, blushing a little when he realized that they both were still shirtless.

But he didn't care. All that mattered right now was this bear hug he was pulled into.

Shizuo's warm body against his. The arms that prevented him from falling into a dark mess.

No words were needed, just this support from a person he thought he hated.

The needles were long forgotten as Izaya cried himself to sleep in his enemy's arms.

**Thank you for reading again! Fluffy shirtless scenes are fluffy 8D **

**Reviews are welcomed, the next chapter will be uploaded in the next few days. **


	3. Chapter 3

-Needle through my heart-

a Shizaya fanfic

-the next morning, still Izaya-

It was comfortable. Wherever he was, he didn't want to leave.

This had been the first night in months without nightmares, without waking up and screaming, without needing a fix at midnight.

This was good. This was okay.

The informant couldn't help but wonder why. What had happened the previous day?

After some minutes, he slowly shifted his body – and collided with something. Something warm, big.

Something that was _alive. _

He wanted to scream, but his throat was dry and couldn't make a sound, so he just opened his mouth in a silent cry.

Second by second the realization seeped into his sleepy head: He knew that person.

He had to, at least he had been chased by him for years. There, next to him, lay his enemy, Shizuo Heiwajima, shirtless and sleeping. Holding him in his arms.

_Okay. Think, Izaya. What happened? _

His gaze drifted over the room, stopping at the kitchen counter. His eyes widened and his heartbeat quickened. There, left like he ran away, were his "supplies", in the broad daylight and exposed to everybody.

Suddenly, the events of the previous evening hit him like a rock.

Puking, passing out in front of his enemy, waking up shirtless, wanting water, the wrong cupboard, finding the drug and needles, Shizuo screaming at him, worry in his voice, embrace.

He tried to get out of the hug, but failed miserably.

His enemy let out a powerful yawn, stretched and a "huh?" when he looks down and sees a squirming raven-haired, trying to suppress tears once again.

_This is so embarrassing... why did he have to be the one finding out? He'll surely kill me sooner or later, or tell all my clients, or tell Shinra, or do something else... _

But at the moment, it looked like the bartender had nothing like that in mind. Instead, he just got up and stretched, showing off a gorgeous body and asked the informant if he was thirsty.

"Maybe we can get you a glass of water this time..." Izaya cringed at the memory of the first attempt to fulfill that task.

To his relief, it didn't feel like the blonde was angry at him. Just... a faint shade of sadness and disappointment showed in his enemy's eyes.

"Y-Yeah... water would be nice..."

_You gotta get a hold of yourself! _

He gulped and accepted the glass of cold water. "Thanks..."

"Are you hungry?"

He shook his head. The drugs had lowered his appetite and he hadn't eaten a real meal in days.

The blonde took a deep breath.

_Ah, so now he will yell at me and kill me maybe._

But instead, the bartender's voice was calm and soothing and showed no sign of anger whatsoever.

"I have to ask you some questions."

"Uh... okay..."

"Those needles... and that... _stuff. _Is that yours?"

A silent nod.

"Since when..."

"About two months."

"Why...?"

The informant shuddered a little at that.

"Dunno."

"Hm. Anyway, we have to get you out of this."

"Please don't -"

"Don't worry, nobody will know. Not Shinra or anybody of your customers. I know you wouldn't want that to happen."

"Thanks, I guess..."

"No problem. But it will be hard."  
"I know."

"Are you prepared for that? We'll try to do it on our own, but if there are complications, I have no choice but to call Shinra."

"I-I'll be ready."

"Okay. So, what do we actually need to fix? First, we gotta throw that shit away."

He grabbed all the supplies and put them into a plastic bag.

"Do you have more? Please be honest."

Izaya shook his head.

"Well, I guess you wouldn't have a reason to put it in several places. So …" , he placed the bag in front of the door, "I'll ask somebody to burn this today. If I just throw it in a trash can, it might be dangerous."

Another quiet nod.

"What does heroine do to you anyway? I don't know much about this stuff..."

Izaya nodded,

"Well, it gives you a warm feeling at first. After some hours, you can't move properly, you start to shiver and get this strange cold feeling, you'll feel nauseous, get headaches. And it lowers your appetite and you can't sleep... After some days, the real effects kick in. You have to vomit, your muscles get weak and you start to feel sick all the time. Your breathing lowers and you're constantly sweating... all in all, it's a really shitty feeling."

"How do you mean that?"

"You feel so _weak. _You can't move, you can't breathe, you get skinny-"

"Don't tell me you haven't eaten properly."

"W-Well..."

Shizuo spun the informant around to take a look a his body. Right, he could count the ribs, partly wrapped with a bandage – probably because of his own punch – his arms had gotten thinner, his face looked edgy and his skin looked bad.

"Is this also an effect of … that stuff?", he asked while pointing to a little wound at his shoulder.

"Yeah. Your skin gets really disgusting, not to mention the fights you encounter to get that shit."

"Oh, flea... just what have you done to yourself..."

Shizuo looked like he was about to cry.

Izaya couldn't help but wrap his skinny arms around that strong form, he was freezing and Shizuo was warm, he was shaking and Shizuo was like a rock.

After some minutes of cuddling, Shizuo ran out of the door to burn the drug that took two months of Izaya's life as soon as possible.

_Phew. That wasn't as hard as expected... just why. Why. Why did he help me. Why is he so kind. Is it just a tactic? Or more...?_

As he waited for Shizuo to return, he decided it was okay. It was good to have someone with you when you try to get out of something like that.

He would accept the help. Even if it meant more cuddling with Shizu-chan. Though... that cuddling isn't all bad...

But under no circumstances, no matter how many nights without nightmares the blonde gave to him, no matter how kind he was, no matter how much Izaya would fall for him – _wait, what? - _he would absolutely _never _tell him why he had begun to take the drug.

That was his own little secret, it was actually the key to his soul. He would never give that away to anyone.

How surprised would he be if he would know that this promise to himself would last only 13 and a half hours.

**Hey guys! Sorry for the short chapter, it's kinda a filler. But in the next chapter, the big secret will be revealed, so forgive me if I need a little bit of time for that. **

**Reviews are very much appreciated. See you next chapter! **


	4. Chapter 4

-Needle through my heart-

a Shizaya fanfic

-Shizuo-

The blonde opened the creaking door, a satisfied grin on his face.

The drug was burned, together with the needles and everything. The only thing that could get in the way now were other sources, but Izaya had confirmed to him that this was all... had he?

He had no time to worry about that.

"Hey... flea?"

"Welcome back." The flea was lying on the couch, obviously bored. He sighed. This was the old Izaya he knew. It was good to see this side of him once in a while.

He let himself fall on said couch and, without thinking twice, pulled the flea closer to him.

"O-Oi! I'm not your personal teddy bear, in case you think that!"

"Hmmm.." he didn't let go. Izaya struggled a little, but finally accepted it.

"So... we gotta talk again." Izaya let out an annoyed groan. "Again?"

"Yup. Otherwise we won't get you out of this. Do you know what happens on withdrawal?"

"Um... pain."

"That's it?"

"Well, mostly... I'll feel sick, nauseous, my whole body will ache, it will _hurt_. Not speaking of the emotional struggle."

"Wait. Why do you know that?"

Izaya gulped. The blonde looked down to the informant, he had obviously hit a weak point.

"I... I tried it before."

"When?"

"About two weeks after that whole thing started. But I couldn't-I couldn't do it. It was too much."

"So you gave in?"

A nod.

"Hmm. I guess then you're prepared for what awaits you..." Shizuo looked up in the air.

"So we'll just try to live on normally while you survive without that stuff. That's it?"

"I think so... But I think neither you nor I should leave the apartment because... yeah."

"I get it."

-Izaya-

_That's it. I just have to get through this... _

The informant knew that this sounded much easier than it would be.

But with Shizuo by his side – strange sentence. But it sounded right – he would maybe do it.

_The question is, what if I can't get through this? What if I would be clean for a year or so and then start again? The whole thing again? Or would he leave me alone?_

"-ea. Flea!" He snapped out of his thoughts.

"Geez, do you even listen when I tell you to?"

"S-Sorry... was thinking."

The blonde sighed.

"I asked you whether you have enough food and so on to get over this."

"I think so. The kitchen is full with food because I ate practically nothing the last week-"

"What?!"

"Just accept it. That shit makes you think you don't have to eat."  
The bartender rubbed his temples and groaned.

_Great, Izaya. He's getting annoyed. This is becoming better and better..._

"Anyway, I have painkillers and bandages here..."

"Why would we need bandages?"

_Ugh. Now comes the embarrassing part. _

"Well... When I don't get that stuff... I might start trying to get out of here. I mean, I tried it before. You try to break out of here, try to get stuff. You will hurt yourself from smashing in something. You will scream and cry and drink. A lot. Remember that, I'll have to drink a lot, and -"

He stopped there because he lost his composure for a second.

His voice had gotten louder and he sounded like a caged animal, trying not to run away and scream.

"Flea? Are you alright?"

"Y-Yeah. Just had to... calm down..."

He took a deep breath. "I apologize, Shizu-chan."

"Huh? For what?"

"For the things I have already done...", he pointed to the bathroom door, "and for the things I will do. When you're on withdrawal, you get incredibly angry at everything and everybody. I'll scream at you. Ask you why you don't give me anything. Why you let me suffer like that. You sure you can handle me like that?"

A grin spread over the blonde's face. "If I can handle you running away from me while I carry a vending machine, I'll handle you like that, too."

"O-Okay."

-Shizuo-

Shizuo tried to stand up, but Izaya pulled his wrist and looked up to him, a begging and desperate look on his face.

_What's going on with the flea?_

"Shizu-chan... I just want you to know, that if it becomes too much for you and you want to leave me, then do! It's all my fault anyway-"

"H-Hey..."

"I know it's my fault! Why didn't I do it the first time? You have to think I'm so stupid-"

"Stop that nonsense, flea.."

The flea looked like he was about to cry again.

"I know it! You don't have to remind me I'm weak!"

His voice cracked. He was almost screaming now. Shizuo didn't try to say anything, he just looked at the flea, feeling something like pity.

"If I bother you, please leave! I don't want to be a burden. You don't need to do this..."

The flea took a few ragged breath, only to break out in a crying attack. He screamed, sobbed, panicked. He continued to scream at Shizuo.

"Why didn't I run away? Why did I let them stick that shit in my arm? Why did nobody help me? Why didn't I try this right away?!"

_Wait. What did he just say?_

"Flea... did somebody do that to you...?" His thumb rubbed over Izaya's arm, feeling the pointy marks of needles.

Izaya's mind was too busy with crying and clinging to Shizuo's arm to think. He shouted at him, although he didn't want to.

"Yes! They caught me in the dark and said `let's see if the great Izaya Orihara can fight with magic in his veins´. Then they took that _thing..._", his shaking hand pointed to the counter, despite the needles were long gone, "The shot that in my arm and I was so _weak... _I don't even know why I didn't do anything! I just didn't resist!"

Shizuo's eyes widened. So _that _was why the flea didn't want to speak about the beginning... he had been ashamed. Ashamed because he did let it happen.

Both Izaya and Shizuo fell silent after the informant realized what he had just said.

"Shi-Shizu-chan..."

The raven's voice was weak. His throat was sore from crying and little hiccups interrupted his attempt to speak.

He was shivering and pulled himself closer to Shizuo, who struggled to get out of his grip.

After he had successfully pulled himself out of the desperate hug and filled a glass of water at the sink, he realized the mistake he had done.

He slowly turned his head around and saw Izaya – or what he thought to be Izaya.

The informant was a sobbing mess on the couch, his eyes red from crying and shivering like there was no tomorrow.

The blonde ran back to the couch, quickly rubbing circles on the raven's back and trying to turn him around to give the flea something to drink. Izaya tried to take the glass, but it almost fell to the floor.

Shizuo sighed, pouring small amounts of water in the flea's mouth.

After he had rubbed the informant's hands in an attempt to calm him down for a while and noticing how cold they were, realization hit him like a rock.

This was the beginning. Normally, Izaya would've gotten his stuff already. His body was already reacting.

_He must have been holding in the first symptoms for hours... _

He decided to just continue holding hands – _ugh... strange phrase_ – with the flea for a while and didn't notice the informant had passed out.

Just as the limp body fell against him, he jumped a little bit. He tried to place him on the couch, but the informant seemed to have... nightmares?

Shizuo couldn't help but chuckle. The flea murmuring and squirming was just too cute to be unseen.

_Wait a moment. Cute? Am I on drugs, too?!_

-time skip-

The flea had been awake for some hours now.

His hugging, whispering and hand-rubbing seemed to help. Though he continued to cry and shiver, he could see the expression in his eyes had gotten calmer.

He thought about giving the flea something to eat – he didn't want the flea to starve.

As fast as he could, he heated up some instant noodles – cooking wasn't really his forte.

The flea took a few hesitant bites before he seemed to realize that this was what his body needed at the moment and his pace got faster.

"Hey, flea, don't overdo it..." The raven barely looked at him.

A tired sigh left Shizuo's mouth. This was already hard. Would he really be able to handle the flea at his worst?

_I guess I have to. At least I don't want somebody to know either._

A strange feeling of protectiveness over the flea had made its way to his mind ever since he had seen the raven crying for the first time.

The informant handed the empty bowl to Shizuo, looking pale.

"See you...? I told you you were-"

He stopped when the flea got up and ran to the bathroom, running into several door frames, cupboard edges and other things on the way.

Soon after, Shizuo heard the already kind of familiar sound of the flea emptying his stomach.

He had to help him again.

After the raven-haired had finished his, ahem, business, Shizuo had soothed him down and cleaned him up, he looked at the informant's face.

Holy god. That was worse than he had expected. Dark rings under his eyes, reddish skin from crying and vomiting, but under the redness he was disturbingly pale. His hair was a mess and he was sweating. He looked like a junkie.

Shizuo's breathing stopped for a moment as he remembered that this was exactly what the flea was at the moment. A junkie, trying to get a hold of himself and leave the drug behind.

Without a word, he picked the flea up and carried him all the way to the kitchen, sitting him on the counter.

Izaya looked at him with a bewildered expression, he seemed curious. Shizuo pulled off the informant's shirt – more pale, sweaty skin – and took a look at the wound.

_The wound I have caused..._

He cringed at the thought. In the first aid kit, there was a note from Shinra. It read: "Change bandages daily. Rub this on your skin before applying the bandage." There was a small bottle in the kit, labeled "THIS". Shizuo chuckled.

He took off the old bandages carefully, feeling the flea wince every time his hands touched the wound.

"Shizu-chan... I can do that myself..." The flea's voice was so quiet and weak, he wouldn't have noticed it if he wouldn't stand so close to him.

He just shook his head in response and rubbed the cream on the blueish, bruised skin. It hurt Izaya, that was obvious.

"Sshh... I'm done in a few minutes..." Izaya nodded, biting his lip.

As the bandage was wrapped around him, Izaya took his shirt and put it back on.

Shizuo shot a glance at the clock. Five in the afternoon. He told the flea to sleep and he nodded like in trance, walking to the bedroom slowly. He looked like a zombie.

After he had made himself a portion of some kind of soup he had found in a drawer together with a strong, strong coffee – he would have to stay awake for long – he followed the flea to the bedroom.

_This is kinda strange... never mind. Just go with it. _

The flea was curled up in the bedsheets, facing the wall.

Shizuo stood in front of the bed, unsure what to do.

He decided to be a bit radical. Turning around, he undressed himself, slightly pulling at the sheets. Izaya loosened his grip on one blanket and Shizuo wrapped himself in them, back to back with the flea.

He was lying there for maybe twenty minutes, not being able to sleep, when he heard a small noise from the other side of the bed.

His hand slowly touched the flea's shoulder and the raven stiffened at the contact.

"Are you alright?"

-Izaya-

"Y-Yeah... I guess so... thanks."

"No problem... You've made it through the first day. Congratulations. Let's continue like this, shall we?"

The informant nodded in response and his breath hitched as Shizuo pulled him closer again.

He nuzzled in the blonde's chest before looking up to him.

"How did you-"

"Hmm?" The blonde looked tired... Izaya decided to keep his question to himself.

"Ah, never mind..."

_How did you know I needed this? _

**Hey guys! I feel like it was a bit pointless to write the last few sentences in Izaya's POV, but otherwise I couldn't think of a way to include that last sentence... ^^° **

**Yay! Long chapter! I feel like the main trigger for actions in this story are water glasses...**

**I got a question. Can there be too much cuddling in a story? Please tell me in the reviews! **

**See you next time ~**


	5. Chapter 5

-Needle through my heart-

a Shizaya fanfic

-Izaya-

It was dark. So dark. _Too _dark.

He was getting colder and colder, barely able to keep his eyes open. He was slowly drifting into unconsciousness, struggling to breathe.

_What is this?! _

He was terrified, he wanted to scream, to put his arm in the darkness surrounding him, a faint glint of hope convinced that he would be able to grasp something, find something to cling to as he was falling deeper and deeper.

He could feel the ground coming closer. He didn't have the strength to turn around and he couldn't see it in any way, but there was this feeling. This realization that everything was going to end.

His body was getting cold and numb, it was incredibly exhausting to not let everything go and stop breathing.

He squeezed his eyes shut, tears of pain spilling from his eyes as he heard a loud _thud_ and the sound of bones breaking.

This was the end. He would die right here. "Sh...Shizu...chan..." The words fell from his lips like a prayer, repeating them over and over again despite his broken and bleeding body.

Even if he was meant to die here, he didn't mind if it would be with Shizuo in his mind...

It comforted him, in a strange way that made his stomach tingle and hazed his mind.

He had no clue what that feeling was, but he kinda liked it.

A numbness that clouded his brain distracted him from the puzzle of his feelings.

He couldn't see his own body from the black but the sticky warmth on his chest reminded him that he would die.

_Unless Shizuo will come and save you. _

Stupid brain. He wouldn't. This is an endless darkness. This is like a nightmare. Why would Shizu-chan be here?

Hold on a minute. A nightmare...? With that thought, all of his strength returned. He let out a scream, louder than everything he had ever heard.

-Shizuo-

"Gyaaaaaaaah!"

The blonde's head shot up as a desperate scream reached his eyes.

No way. The flea had been asleep next to him just seconds ago, completely calm and peaceful.

"F-Flea?! Are you alright?"

The flea stopped screaming, but his mouth was still wide open in shock, just like his eyes. He looked like he had just seen the most terrifying thing in his life.

Shizuo shook his shoulders, but that just seemed to worsen the state of the obviously scared informant.

His final decision was to pull the raven close to him and bury Izaya's head in the crook of his neck. It seemed to work; it only took minutes for the raven's heartbeat to calm down and his breathing was becoming normal again.

Shizuo sighed. That had been close.

He looked down at the fragile figure in his arms. The flea seemed so weak... his chest ached at the thought of him letting Izaya suffer like that.

Two months, said the flea? Two months of fighting... The blonde shuddered as his mind realized what he had been doing in that time. Either Izaya had just set a shot every time they had met, or he... he had simply failed to notice...

He mentally slapped himself. A part of his mind wanted to defend itself – they had been away from each other, just throwing things occasionally, the flea was fast. Plus, two months ago, he didn't care about the informant as much as he did now.

But his heart didn't want to accept that. He felt so guilty. Even if Izaya had been his enemy back then – Shizuo wasn't so sure anymore if he had _ever _been his enemy – he couldn't just come clean with his mind. He should have payed more attention, should have been more careful.

And look at what he got now. A pale, shivering, weak flea that was clinging to his shirt like it was his last connection to life. What it actually was.

The past few days had been an emotional torture for the blonde. Seeing his flea pass out, vomit, collapse because he needed his shot.

There had been countless times where Shizuo's mind, despite all warnings, just snapped out and he wanted to push a needle in the flea's arm, just to end his suffering.

By now, he understood what Izaya had meant back then, when he was grasping on his wrist desperately and pleading him to leave if it would become too much.

But the blonde never even thought about leaving the flea. He knew that Izaya _needed _him right now.

He glanced down at the lightly shivering form beneath him. Izaya had fallen asleep in his lap.

_This is so cute... He's suffering, yet I can't stop thinking he's cute. _

Somehow, he felt like he could stay like this, like forever. With the flea's breathing against his stomach, his fingers stroking soft raven hair...

_I could hold my flea like this every morning... waking up next to each other, saying `good morning, my love´ and kissing his forehead... _

A sudden sharp breath from said, ahem, _love_, made the blonde jolt out of his daydream.

_Okay, Shizuo Heiwajima. Hold on right there. You're not in love with the flea! _

But he knew it was pointless.

Despite his mind wanted to deny it, his heart knew he had fallen for the raven.

It wasn't this silly kind of crush that fifteen-year-old schoolgirls had. It was simply the want to keep Izaya next to him, holding him, loving him.

And although he knew it wasn't the right moment for such sweet scenes, he hovered over Izaya's forehead seconds later and-

"Shizu...chan..?"

-Izaya-

The raven blushed the moment he realized what Shizuo was about to do.

Or, at least, what he thought he was about to do. Or what he wanted him to do.

He cursed himself for waking up.

_If you would've only woken up ten seconds later, Shizu-chan would've kissed you! _

He wasn't sure why he wanted the blonde to kiss him. He also wasn't sure about this tickling sensation that took over his stomach whenever the blonde's face was near his.

He wasn't sure why his breath hitched when Shizuo spoke his real name.

But all that mattered at the moment was trying to hide his blushing face from Shizuo.

-Shizuo-

_Ughh... this flushed face looks so adorable... _

The blonde just stared at those crimson eyes that were a bit sleepy and absolutely oblivious at the moment.

He only hoped Izaya hadn't noticed his intentions...

"Shi-Shizu-chan..."

_Argh, why does he have to sound so sweet right now?!_

"Shizu-chan!" Alright, that sounded more like the flea he knew.

"What is it?"

"I-I think it's starting again... and it may be worse this time. Sorry in advance."

"Hey, you know I'm okay with this..."

He stopped when he noticed that the raven was squirming and fighting with himself.

He couldn't believe those changes in personality could be so fast. From absolutely cute to desperate and angry in the matter of seconds.

He sighed. And here we go again. The flea was only inches away from exploding. All he needed was a trigger.

Shizuo knew by now that holding it in was harder for Izaya than letting it out, so he snapped his fingers in front of his face and smirked at the raven's face.

That was everything he needed. The informant clenched his teeth and a single tear rolled down his cheek.

A familiar blade stabbed Shizuo's heart as he saw the flea like that.

But he would have to pull himself together to get them both through this.

_Just a couple of days more. You'll do it, Izaya. I believe in you. _

**Um, hi. Next chapter! I have time and a lot of ideas, so it came out earlier than I expected. But it's so short Q.Q But my mind doesn't like the idea of putting both fluffy and angsty scenes in one chapter... **

**Hope you like it anyway... The next one will be a bit bloody and very angst-ish. :3 **

**I hope I didn't make the dream _too _cheesy... And kinda like how it turned out. **

**See you next chapter! **

**P.S. Thank you guys so much for the reviews! I love you all and they always make me smile like a maniac... creepy. Keep it up, guys!**


	6. Chapter 6

-Needle through my heart-

a Shizaya fanfic

**Beware of POV changes! (And Izaya's... _colorful _language. ) Enjoy!**

-Shizuo-

Shizuo knew this would be a rough day. In the past few hours, he had become an expert at dodging various objects thrown at him.

_This is kinda ironic... I should be the one throwing things at him, not vice versa. _

Izaya behaved like a moody woman when it was her time of the month. Throwing everything, from clothes to picture frames, at him, shouting and grumbling at him, just to sit pouting on the couch minutes later, trying to punch him if he made an attempt to calm him down.

He just would have to cope with this and make sure the informant didn't reach the door.

The blonde already wore various bruises on his arms and back, reminding him that it was not a good idea at all to approach the raven now.

Around noon, the flea had finally calmed down a bit. He had wrapped probably twenty pounds of blankets around him – the freezing seemed to hit in once again – and was sobbing quietly.

The blonde wanted to reach out a hand and comfort him, but he had learned today that Izaya wouldn't let him do so.

Considering the current state of the apartment, cleaning was probably the best way to kill some time. He started to pick up broken TV remotes, glasses, paper cups and pillows lying all over the living room floor, hearing Izaya whimper in the back of his mind.

Once he thought the raven said something, but the moment he took a step towards him, an angry glare was shot in his direction.

A sigh of defeat left his lips as he gave up on trying to calm the raven.

-Izaya-

He didn't understand at all what was going on in his mind. One moment, he hated Shizuo and wanted him to go the fuck off and leave him alone, the next one he wished those strong arms to cuddle him once again, he wanted to drown in that musky, dark warmth, even if it would be just for a second.

He wanted to apologize for what he had done two minutes ago, he threw things at the person he didn't want to leave, he yelled at him to go out of his sight when all his mind wanted him to stay, it was so confusing.

He made a new attempt on apologizing.

"S-Sorry... just don't me...", but as soon as Shizuo turned his head slightly, he couldn't help but look at him as if he was very, very pissed. And as much as he wanted, the words that would tell the blonde he wasn't didn't leave his mouth.

All he could do was hope that Shizu-chan didn't think about his behavior too much.

-ten minutes later-

He had gotten angrier by the second. Shizuo, that damn bastard!

Why couldn't he just leave the room for twenty seconds? That was all he needed to run out of the door to get a shot somewhere.

Screw his plans, screw his life. All that mattered right now was the lack of the drug in his system.

"Shizuo!" He was surprised at the loudness of his own voice, it sounded bossy and pissed.

"Izaya?" Well, _obviously. _

"Leave."

"Sorry, no way."

"I said _leave, _you moron! Why won't you let me get that shot?!"

Shizuo leaned back in the chair and lit himself a cigarette. This relaxed attitude was making the raven angry. _Very _angry.

"Well? Why not?"

"Cause you told me not to."

"Oh really? Well now I tell you otherwise. Leave right now."

"Never."

The informant couldn't hold back anymore. He rushed at the blonde and slapped him.

"Don't you get it? I don't want you and I don't need you! Fuck off! I hate you!"

-Shizuo-

Ouch. That had hurt. He knew Izaya was on withdrawal and had no control over his emotions, yet hearing the flea yell such words at him wasn't easy to swallow.

He turned his head away, walking over to the other side of the room. He needed a bit of space now.

What he didn't expect was Izaya running out of the apartment the moment he didn't face him anymore.

-Izaya-

This was his opportunity. His feet moved on their own. He didn't even look behind himself which was why he missed Shizuo's shocked expression when he rushed down the stairs, almost stumbling over his own feet and falling down the stairs.

His mind going crazy right now. Everything seemed to go slower. The corridor was spinning, Shizuo's voice shouting at him to stop was becoming quieter every minute. Or every second... he didn't even know anymore.

His limbs felt numb, his eyesight was going dark.

_Just make it to the end of the street. He won't follow you there. _

He had no idea how he had come to that conclusion, the conscious part of his brain knew it was complete bullshit.

He was becoming slower. Faster, faster. Get stuff before he catches up to you. He didn't even care about the people staring at him. He had to look horrible – he hadn't showered for almost a week and wore a dirty white shirt along with an old pair of jeans. Did he even wear shoes? Nope.

But that didn't matter now. He ran through the blurry street, lights dancing in front of his eyes.

His mouth opened in a silent scream when he felt a pair of arms wrap around him and capturing him.

-Shizuo-

_Shit, shit, shit. _

That damn flea had actually managed to escape.

Shizuo was worried about the informant. Very worried. At the apartment, he knew nothing could happen to the raven. But now.. he might actually get a fix, or he could run into a car, or …

there were so many possibilities.

And the only way to prevent the flea from that danger was to catch him. Which shouldn't be that hard, he had been weak on his legs.

Shizuo grabbed his jacket from the floor and hurried after the raven.

When he looked out of the door, he noticed the flea was faster than he had thought. He was already almost at the end of the street, was shaking and wobbling.

It took him only about a minute to catch up to him.

Wrapping his arms around the informant, to prevent him from running away again, he felt how fast the raven's heart was beating. He heard Izaya breathing weakly in and out and his arms noticed every single little shudder, every moment his legs were on the edge to giving in, every small hiccup that came out of Izaya's throat as he slowly broke.

-Izaya-

The informant slid down Shizuo's body, ending up with his knees on the cold pavement. He was collapsing, it had felt so good to feel the blonde's arms around his thin body again, he just couldn't handle it.

He passively took note of the fact that Shizuo had also went on his knees, now facing him again. His strong hands were shaking the raven's shoulders, he barely could feel his head shaking. It would be pointless. Nothing could wake him from the little world of pain and regret he was in now.

Shizuo's voice shouting at him drifted off until it was just a mix of senseless words.

Izaya vaguely knew his eyes were wide open and so was his mouth. He heard nothing, his vision blurred. It was like something tried to pull him down into darkness. His body was still resisting, but he wouldn't last much longer.

His eyes closed slowly, his breathing became slower. He couldn't be dying right now, could he?

No, he was just passing out... right?

-later-

_This feels nice... _

The informant snuggled in the fabric next to him. It was warm and smelled familiar. It felt like he would lie in a small, warm, comfortable nest, like a small animal.

Wait. That nest moved. The walls were moving in and out. His "nest" was alive.

His eyes shot open, the first thing they saw was a white shirt. The raven turned his head carefully to see the face of his nest and let out a sigh of relief when he saw blonde hair and the familiar face of Shizuo.

Wait. Where was he? He looked around, almost panicking.

A soft voice calling his name and fingers stroking his hair took him back to reality.

"Ssh. Everything is alright. Calm down, will you?"

He never knew Shizu-chan could sound this gentle.

"Shall we go home, flea?" The informant didn't answer. They were in an dark alley, similar to that one where-

The informant swallowed thickly. Oh no.

He tried to get out of Shizuo's grip, desperate to get out of this place that woke so many awful memories.

"Flea? What is it? Are you alright?"

He couldn't explain this to Shizuo right now. But the blonde pulled him down in his lap again.

_In Shizuo's lap._

He calmed down a little, but he was too weak to stand up yet, so he just whispered "I want to go home" in Shizuo's ear.

He received a nod in response and was lifted up by Shizuo's strong arms, he ended up on the blonde's back.

He clung to the fabric, desperately holding on the only thing he had.

His mind drifted off in the steady rhythm of Shizuo's steps, it was already late evening and he was tired, but he would be very embarrassed if he would manage to fall asleep here. Shizuo must've sat in that yard with him for hours after he had passed out.

But as the time passed, keeping his eyes open became more and more difficult. It was only ten minutes from the alley to his apartment, but with Shizuo ten minutes could feel like an eternity.

At the front door, he gave in to the temptation, let his eyes fall shut and drowned in a deep, dreamless sleep.

-Shizuo-

The flea had fallen asleep again..

He was careful not to wake him up as he opened the door and tried to put the flea on the bed.

"Nnh... Shizu-chan?"

"Ssh... Just sleep, Izaya."

And the informant was gone again.

-the next morning, Izaya-

He woke up alone. His hand felt over the whole bed sheet, but no Shizuo could be found.

No good morning, no hug, no warm body beside him.

He almost wanted to tear up again, but he had cried enough these days. Shizuo had probably left. But Izaya was almost clean now, so it shouldn't be a big problem...

He got up and dressed himself in fresh clothes.

As he left his room, he actually felt lonely. This was a complete new feeling and as the time passed, it got stronger until he missed Shizuo so much he wanted to jump out of the window and search for him.

The raven never knew he could miss someone so much.

_Ding-Dong. _

The doorbell? That was strange. He pressed the "speak"-button and cleared his throat.

"Hello?"

"Flea? Is that you?"

_Shizu-chan... _

Suddenly, his stomach felt tingly and his whole body warmed up. Were the effects starting again? Please, not again.

He couldn't help but grin.

"Flea? Are you there?"

"Y-Yeah. Wait."

He pressed the "open door"-button and stayed in front of the door.

He heard steps in the staircase. He heard the click of the door handle. He heard Shizuo's "Oof!" when he threw himself at the blonde and hugged him as tight as he could.

"F-Flea..."

_God, Shizuo, just shut up and let me do this for once. _

The raven's breathing stopped for a faint second when he felt a pair of arms wrap around him and he found himself in a gentle hug.

He was confused. Why was he so relieved that the blonde returned? Why didn't he want him to leave? Of course, he had helped him with the withdrawal. But now he was almost through with that, so he shouldn't need him anymore. And despite his brain should know better, his heart was longing for the presence of the blonde.

"Where were you..." His voice trembled, he felt like he was about to burst.

_Just what is this?! _

"Huh? Just getting some fresh clothes for me. Y'know, I don't like running around in the same shirt for a week."

"Mhm." That was all he could force out of his mouth.

"Hey, Flea. Are you okay? You seem so … excited."

_I can't say I'm relieved he didn't leave me._

"I thought... I thought you would've left me … I woke up and you were gone..."

_Seems like I can. _

"Sorry... I assumed you would sleep longer."

The informant nuzzled his messy hair in Shizuo's chest.

"Don't worry, I won't do that anymore."

"Good..."

Shizuo chuckled. "

"What, you actually want me to stay?"

The raven blushed.

He nodded. That was all he could offer Shizuo as an answer.

That damn Shizuo. He was right once again.

Izaya never wanted to leave him. Never never never, he knew he wouldn't be able to handle a week without him. He couldn't handle a world without Shizuo, without his former enemy, without the man... he had...

he had fallen for.

***dramatic trumpet* Izaya has finally realized! But no confession yet ;3 **

**Sorry, I don't think I managed to make it angsty... got too carried away with the fluff at the end x3**

**But at least the chapter is long. Tell me how you liked it! **


	7. Chapter 7

-Needle through my heart-

a Shizaya fanfic

-Shizuo-

"Hey, flea."

"Hmm~?"

It had been calmer the past few days. Izaya's attacks had become rare and they both returned slowly to their usual self, but it was hard.

After being stuck in an apartment with the flea for a good week, he had seen the informant at his worst.

He couldn't just pretend nothing happened.

"You need to take a bath."

It was true; the flea's body hadn't seen water for almost a week and his hair was messy and dirty, and so was his body.

"O-Okay."

He watched the raven disappear into the bathroom. A sigh left his mouth. Did Izaya knew Shizuo loved him? Probably not. He strongly doubted the raven had ever been in love.

"Shi-Shizu-chan...?" The voice was wavering and sounded suppressed.

The blonde got up so rapidly he felt dizzy for a second. His flea needed him now. He had heard this kind of voice often enough to know it was a little cry for help.

He slowly opened the door, half-expecting a complete mess. But all he saw was Izaya sitting in the bathtub.

"What is it?"

"I'm feeling kinda strange and I'm afraid I'll pass out..."

"And what do you expect me to do?"

"Could you just... stay? Like, just make sure I don't drown here..."

Shizuo gulped. Watching the flea take a bath...

"Sure..."

The informant nodded and squeezed some shampoo in his hand, the smell of vanilla filling the room. He started to wash his hair, covering his whole head and shoulders in the white foam.

The blonde tried to act naturally, but he couldn't resist the urge. He rolled up his sleeves and approached the raven in the bathtub.

"Shizu-chan? What are you doing..."

-Izaya-

He was ashamed. Ashamed to ask Shizuo to take care of him, _again, _and of all moments it just had to be when he took a bath.

He noticed very well that the blonde was shooting glares at him from time to time. It made him blush and squirm a bit in the hot water, he felt a bit uncomfortable and kinda flustered.

He got really nervous when he saw the blonde rolling up his sleeves and walking towards him.

"Shizu-chan? What are you doing?"

Shizuo didn't answer. He went down on his knees, so he was on eye level with the raven. His hands caught the informant's wrists and put them into the water. He was confused, what was the blonde up to?

His eyes widened slightly when he felt rough fingertips massaging the shampoo into his hair and caress his scalp.

He gave in to the feeling. It was strangely relaxing and felt really good.

It didn't even take a minute for him to lean into the touch, never wanting Shizuo to stop.

"Mhmm..."

He let out a small gasp when the hands moved further down, thumbs digging gently into his shoulders, fingertips loosening the tension in his neck. It had been months since he had felt this relaxed and eased.

He honestly didn't care about anything right now. The combination of the vanilla scent, hot water and steam all around him and those hands loosening up the tension both in his body and in his mind was all he needed right now. He completely lost his sense of time during that little … _session _and was unpleasantly surprised when Shizuo stopped.

But after a few seconds, after his senses returned, he blushed like he had never been blushing in his entire life. He was practically leaning into Shizuo's hands, his lips parted a bit and eyes half-lidded.

It would be hard to play this down. He slowly turned his head to face the blonde behind him, but Shizuo was just smiling and looking calm as ever.

Although all Izaya wanted to do was to get under the water and never get out of that tub again, he felt kind of relieved that Shizuo either hadn't noticed his behavior or didn't care about it.

"You alright, flea?"

Izaya gave the blonde a small nod. Shizuo reached for a towel and covered the raven's hair with it, still smiling.

Izaya turned his head, trying not to look at Shizuo.

He cleared his throat.

"Could you... look away?"

A hint of a blush spread over the blonde's face as he turned around, facing the wall.

Izaya climbed out of the bathtub and got dressed.

During that time, the informant took some time to think.

_What exactly was their relationship now? _

-Shizuo-

"Okay.."

The flea had given him the signal that it was okay to look again and he turned around again.

Izaya looked irresistibly cute, his hair was still dripping wet and he wore a shirt that appeared to be a bit too big for him so that his collar bones were exposed.

And if that wouldn't be enough, the raven's face was still a bit flushed and he looked nervous.

"You feeling okay?"

"Uh-huh. But... I-I'm kinda hungry..."

Shizuo let out a relieved sigh.

The flea was so thin and had refused to eat anything proper on his withdrawal.

"I see... I'll get us something to eat."

He left the bathroom, grabbed the phone and ordered pizza. Maybe not a very creative choice, but he was not really a good cook and he had eaten enough instant noodles in the last few days.

The next twenty minutes pretty much consisted of awkward silence, the two sitting at the opposite ends of the couch.

_Since when do we act like this again? Three days ago, he would've sat next to me and eventually would've wanted to cuddle... I guess, he just doesn't need me anymore like he did back then._

This possibility made Shizuo kinda sad. But the raven's voice soon distracted him from his thoughts.

"Pizza is here!", he exclaimed happily.

"Huh?"Shizuo didn't quite get what was going on, he had spaced off a little.

"I said, the pizza is here!"

"Oh, right..."

After he had paid for the pizzas, they settled both together on the couch, but again with much space between them.

The blonde let out a sigh. This was how it should be, but not how he wanted it to be. The flea had became really important in his life in the past week.

They both finished the pizzas quite quickly, Izaya because he was hungry, Shizuo because... well, it was Shizuo. He ate that pizza in less than ten minutes because he could.

Speaking of the flea, he seemed to be nervous.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah..."

He could hear the raven take a few deep breaths before he felt the couch next to him sink in. His gaze shifted and spotted the informant, only a few inches away from him.

"Iza-"

"Don't say anything, please."

He nodded. This didn't need any words. His heartbeat quickened when the flea shuffled closer, now sitting directly next to him.

His breathing stopped when he felt the raven's head on his shoulder.

"H-Hey, Shizu-chan... I... I gotta tell you something..."

**Aand that's it. I'm so mean xD**

**The next chapter will be the last one, sadly :( **

**Yes, even a fic as fluffy as this needs a weird bathroom scene. I just _had_ to write it.**

**Hope you enjoyed, see you next time! **


	8. Chapter 8

-Needle through my heart-

a Shizaya fanfic

-Izaya-

Izaya gulped. This was it. He decided to tell Shizuo how he was feeling about him.

"Listen, Shizu-chan... no. Shizuo." It felt weird, but nice to call him by his actual name.

"No, Izaya, you'll listen."

"Just let me say it, please!"

"I think I should speak first-"

"I... I think..."  
The raven felt a blush creep on his cheeks, if he wouldn't do it now, he would never be able to say it.

"Shizuo, I think I love you-"

"Izaya, I love you!"

_Wait._

_-_Shizuo-

The raven was going down in front of him, eager to tell him something, but he wanted to get that confession out of his mind.

_Now or never._

He shouted out the words he'd wanted to say for such a long time, barely paying attention to the flea.

Until his mind worked properly again and he figured out what the flea had whispered at him.

What... What had Izaya just said...?

"I'm sorry, Izaya, but what did you say...?"

The raven rushed at the blonde, hiding his face in the other's shirt and nuzzling into his neck.

Shizuo felt Izaya's breath tickle his ear and this time, he payed close attention to what the raven was whispering.

"Shizuo... I think... I think I love you..."

His eyes widened at that statement. It was like his biggest dream and worst fear coming true at the same time.

This would cause so much trouble, but it was what he wanted all along.

He couldn't find a solution right now, so he just decided to hug the flea. Embrace him, hold him, love him.

But the raven squirmed out of the hug, wearing a shocked expression on that cute face, blushing and loosing his composure.

He ran over to the bedroom and it didn't take long until Shizuo heard the little sobs and cries he was painfully familiar with.

After some minutes, he just couldn't stand it anymore.

He carefully opened the bedroom door, standing in the door frame, completely stunned by the sight in front of him. The flea looked like he would play in a cheesy movie.

He was laying on the bed, face buried in a pillow and turned his head as soon as he heard the door creak.

His eyes were a bit red and puffy, but a little smile crept on his face.

"Shizu-chan..."

"Hey, Izaya... are you alright?"

"Y-Yeah... that was just a bit too much, I guess..", a forced chuckle made its way out of the raven's mouth before the tears started to well up in his eyes again.

Shizuo took off his shoes and jacket as quietly as he could, crawling on the mattress and tightly hugging the raven from behind.

He felt him wince slightly, but soon the man in his arms let out a little sigh and leaned into the soft touch.

They fell asleep like that, none of the really knowing what was going on, but it was okay for both of them.

-the next morning, Izaya-

The moment his eyes opened, the memories of the previous evening crashed down on him.

_Oh my god, I confessed to Shizuo and he also kinda confessed to me, are we together now? And where am I? Right, I'm... I'm in Shizuo's arms?! Damn, what am I supposed to do now?! Should I just pretend to be asleep? Or wake him up? Aggh!_

He had been rustling around a bit while being lost in his thoughts, so he shifted a bit too much and Shizuo woke up.

"Morning, flea..."

The informant froze on the spot, squeezing his eyes shut, expecting- well. What did he expect? What kind of bad things could happen?

_Considering that Shizuo... Shizuo... l-loves me... I can't really expect him to do something bad..._

"Hey, Shizu-chan... did you..." _Could he really ask that? _"Do you really... love me?" _Apparently, he could. _

"Y-Yes."

The raven blushed madly at this statement.

"And you?"

"Huh?"

"Did you … well, mean what you said yesterday?"

"Y-Yea, I did..."

The blonde sighed in relief.

"Shizuo...?"

"Yeah?"

"What.. what are we now?"

"I guess there is no real name for that, Izaya. Let's just continue like that if you're comfortable with it, okay?"

"O-Okay..."

After some awkward minutes of silence, Izaya shuffled closer to the blonde. Leaning carefully in, Shizuo smiled. This was how it should be.

Izaya almost fell asleep there, but he was woken by Shizuo.

"Hey, Izaya."

"Hmm~? I'm quite tired, you know..."

"Sorry. But I just wanted to give you this..."

The informant's eyes widened as he saw the blonde leaning in closer to him.

_He's not... Don't tell me he's going to kiss me! Ooh my goosh. What will I do now?!_

His eyes squeezed shut and his lips trembled, causing Shizuo to retreat.

He couldn't kiss the raven if he looked like he didn't want this.

"Shi...zu...chan? What are you doing...?"

The blonde cleared his throat.

"Well, you see, I was going to... um...but you looked like you wouldn't be ready yet, so I-"

He was shut off when he felt a pair of soft, warm lips placed against his own. He felt his cheeks grow hot at the tickling sensation rushing through his whole body. He'd kissed some girls before so he knew a bit about kissing, but his face grew hot and cold, his body was shaking and trembling and he was so happy that he couldn't think anymore.

He reacted instinctively, pressing his lips against the informant's, enjoying the feeling of the shuddering body next to him. The thought of him being the cause of the informant's trembling and nervous squirming wasn't so bad.

At first, the kiss was slow and shy, but soon he knew that Izaya demanded more, considering the firmer pressure against his own lips and the raven's attempts to open his mouth slightly, but Shizuo never took advantage of it, afraid that it might be too much after all. He had to hold back though.

When Izaya parted his lips, Shizuo feeling the informant's hot breath on his own lips, his hands roaming over the slender body and taking in every single tremble and every single shudder, feeling the raven's heartbeat … It became too much for him to bear when he heard Izaya gasp slightly, he couldn't take the temptation anymore.

Carefully, lovingly, he opened his mouth and gave Izaya his time to get used to the strange feeling.

It felt good, he and Izaya had a little battle of tongues, which Shizuo easily won.

Suddenly, a salty taste came flowing in their kisses. He pulled away for a second to see Izaya crying.

Shizuo hated himself for thinking that, but the raven looked absolutely adorable with his flushed face, tinted lips from the kiss and tears streaming down his face.

"Izaya..."

"Please... don't say anything... just..."

And the blonde was pulled into another kiss. After maybe ten minutes which felt like three hours, they broke apart, both panting a bit.

Shizuo pulled Izaya in a hug and let the two fall backwards on the bed.

"Hey, Izaya..."

"Hm?"

"I'm so proud of you... you did it."

Izaya was silent for a few seconds before he turned around, facing Shizuo.

"No. _We _did it."

**~cute ending~**

**(hopefully)**

**Okay guys, this was the last chapter! Thanks for sticking with this crap for so long :D **

**Special thanks to spiritleopard and Shirohime-san, my two best reviewers :3 Thank you for every single review, favourite and follow, they really make my day. **

**~Bye~**

**(for now)**


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